Corkys Bar

ATLANTA, GA – Local baseball fan, who is approximately 32 years too old to bring baseball glove to a game; brings glove to a game. The eight your old girl that attended the game with him was smart enough to leave hers at home.

The most curious part of this “gentlemen” is that he is sitting in the upper-deck in centerfield; some 600 feet away from home plate. Now that the steroids era is over, there is no chance a ball will come within 150 feet of him. Even 1996 Brady Anderson couldn’t come close to those seats. Also decreasing his likelihood of catching a foul ball is his lack of athleticism and numerous trips to the hotdog vendor or bathroom. A conservative estimate had him missing 40% of the at-bats while in the men’s room.

You wouldn’t bring a horse with you to the Preakness. Would you?

“I wish I was able to not let him in the park with that thing. It should be banned, liked fireworks or D-batteries,” commented usher Dillon Chestnut. “I asked him if he was one of the ball boys, but he said that he was just a big fan. He also didn’t understand that I was making fun of him. Can someone get this man a foam finger or a bobblehead for christ’s sake!!!! It’s a sad day for baseball. Joe Morgan must be rolling over in his grave right now.”

When asked, the man confirmed that he knew he wouldn’t be asked to play in today’s game if one of the professional athletes got hurt. He also confirmed that he didn’t have Downs Syndrome or any other type of retardation while removing some mustard from his prized glove (aka “Wonderglove”).

Despite the glove, he did manage to hit for the cycle; eating a hotdog, polish sausage, bratwurst and kielbasa in the same game.